Saturday, November 28, 2009
Not Ready
I don't know.
I really don't know what I want.
Like a broken film on constant playback,
I keep seeing these images,
These images of things which didn't exist,
Of stuff that never happened,
Pictures of a non-existant reality.
I have a map and a compass,
and I know this is the correct direction,
But it suddenly points to somewhere else.
It gets worse;
It points to the place I walked past.
I'm stuck in the past,
Yet looking forward to the future,
For a change,
A new change.
Yet because I'm stuck in the past,
I can't move forward into the future.
I need to remove these blocks,
All of them.
It is time to let go,
But I can't.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Another piece of advice.
From these 3 years,
If there is something I learnt,
Is that one shouldn't make sacrifices,
If they can't bear the consequences.
There isn't a point to regretting.
Will eventually be a memory,
Of a time,
That doesn't even matter.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Oddly, today was fun.
---
That form,
So familiar, yet so unknown.
It is scary,
How people can be so alike,
Yet so different.
Even though it didn't really pique my interest,
It left a nagging question in my head
"Can I still keep up to the end of my bargain?"
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Five years ago,
Doing something like that,
Was hard.
But now,
There isn't even second thoughts.
Was the change really that big?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
For the past week,
I was planning on making a post on my recent identity crisis,
Where I am so lost,
I don't even know what I'm doing.
I have labeled the recent past months as signs of looking for something to cling on,
Because due to the constant change,
I don't even recognise myself anymore,
But that post is no more.
Just from a simple extra trip made by today,
I met various people,
All from my past, present and future,
Painting a tale of my life from some point to now.
Almost every criticism, every praise and every question was remembered.
Stuff ranging from "Why are you so mean to others" to "Why .......".
Apparently,
These were the people,
Who noticed that the impeccable change occurred at the first place.
But why did I change?
Maybe it was self-protection,
Or maybe it was just adaption.
I once had the thinking that "even though I'm kind and nice to people,
They still hate me.
So there is no point in being likable,
Might as well be mean to them for the perks of it."
Seeing them also reminded me of the joy,
And the pain (to a greater extent) I used to suffer.
It isn't like I was tortured,
But it wasn't considered "nothing" as well.
But until now,
There is something I forgot,
Something I haven't considered in a long time.
"No matter how the outer crust changes,
The inside is still the same."
I may not have the exact answers now,
But I'll face the insults,
And also accept the praises.
I may be the shadow of my former self,
But when the time comes,
I'll be there to pick up the call.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Time Just Ain't Right
Know Your End Game.
Torn Between Advice and Ranting
This zone has officially became a ranting area,
Where I talk whine about random things,
Cause nothing much has been happening so far,
Nothing much with worth to be mentioned.
Also,
Some particular fella comes here for advice?
Sounds weird,
But,
"Why not?"
---
There are times,
Deep down within their own heart,
They know that it isn't a good idea.
No, it has nothing to do with pessimism, or anything of that sort.
What I'm referring to,
Is something usually known as a conscience.
Those of other faith may also call it inner sense, a complex of ethical and moral principles, duty, inner voice, heart;
But lets keep it simple, shall we?
For many MANY people,
In order to gain what they want,
They will resort to all means necessary,
Which includes power play,
The usually incorrectly (but in this case correctly) used "backstabbing",
Twisting of facts,
Denial of reality,
Sowing Discord and such.
And hence,
These people lose their conscience along the way.
But for what it is worth,
Whatever they gain,
In the end,
Is nothing but a double edged sword;
Something which will cause yourself harm and damage.
In addition,
As these individuals were on the path to "obtaining what they want",
I'm sure they received advice (and criticism) to stop it,
And do it the right way;
But they just won't listen,
They just don't want help,
Just won't admit they are wrong.
These people eventually lose sight,
And lose the same people who trusted them,
Who are also the same kind souls who offered help.
It's a long tale, I know,
So lets cut to the chase:
Is it really worth it?
Going through all this trouble,
When you were shown the correct path,
To eventually cause harm to yourself,
And most importantly,
Everything and everyone around you?
Remember, to stay true to yourself,
(Yourself, is in the terms of good ethics, morals and principles)
Don't lose sight,
And don't lose yourself.
When your conscience tells you, "its wrong",
and everyone else genuinely warns you about it,
You jolly well turn back,
Because you won't want to do something you will end up regretting.
Peace out.
---
Stop.
Stop circling around me you stupid orbs of light.
---
Emotions Make You Sloppy.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I take too long to see it.
Forms and Markers
It isn't enough.
Markers,
Or so I nicknamed it.
As the name suggests,
Its someone with the Mark.
The thing is,
I have no idea how other Marks look like,
Whether is it all the same,
All it varies.
Also, I don't know if other Markers exist.
Now here is an interesting thought:
If the markers are really supposed to cause That,
What happens if a band of markers group together
Forms,
A word used to describe the same person having different characteristics and personalities.
It seems that when people believe you to be of this form,
They'll slowly mold you into it,
Without you noticing.
What is important is that you stay true to yourself,
Understanding that there are always choices and decisions.
However,
It is important for me to note,
That there are formless people who exists.
Or more accurately,
they live what I may call a nomadic life.
They adapt, wherever they go.
Their true self, is ironically the one with no self.
But I didn't say they don't have dreams and ambitions.
Cold and Hot Readers.
I probably mentioned this here quite some time,
But I can't stand hot readers,
Especially one who fails at trying to be a hot reader.
This kind of stuff,
If you can, you can, don't force it.
It can't be "trained",
Well maybe it can be "learnt",
But don't take the shortcut,
Do it the proper way.
If you carry on like this,
You won't become full fledged.
Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
You'll only remain nothing but a shadow.
I'll always be ahead,
You'll always be behind,
So heed my warning:
Do it the right way.
I fear that somewhere deep down,
I may be missing you.
I'm talking about the future.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Oh God,
Help me remember how does it feel to love others.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Every choice as a consequence.
Truth and Choices
It is time to face the Truth.
I'm don't blame you for making those decisions.
No one took a gun against your head,
You weren't being forced into making choices,
With time spent on rationality,
Combined together with a logical mindset.
In reality,
If I were you,
I would have made the exact same choice.
People can't be bothered.
Judging is their nature.
They don't care how much effort you have put into something,
And they sure as hell don't give a damn to the process.
All they want is the quality results they expect with the snap of a finger.
Only when something goes wrong,
Then they start to have questions and be all judgey,
About why wasn't this done and other nonsense.
The truth is,
Without guidelines, without answers,
Everything isn't as simple.
When you're put in a spot,
Being in a tough situation,
And without adequate time,
Being pressurized at every single moment.
It is practically impossible to do anything correctly!
The only reason why they can reverse engineer the incorrectly named "solutions",
Is because it has already happened at the first place.
Hold true to your beliefs,
Because like your dreams,
It won't be yours for long.
Even if the world must change.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Isn't it weird how the separated hands fell
Dreams
It's as if we're lost; you're suddenly gone
Although Maki is no longer in High and Mighty Color,
I still like their songs.
Just that I seem to prefer Maki's voice.
It is more gentle, and soothing, and fun
(Songs such as Tadori Tsuku Basho, Oxalis, Tegami, Earth,
Hinata, Mizutama Ramune, Feel Like Dance, Amazing, Hot Limit, With You etc.);
Yet it can be fierce and harsh when needed to be
(Ichirin no Hana, Pride, Here I Am, Last Word, Insomnia, The Moon Illuminates etc.)
As I was trying to get the vocals (and tune) of Dreams correct,
I once again came across the English Lyrics here: http://gendou.com/amusic/lyrics.php?id=8296&show=0
And once again,
I fell in love with them.
Even though I admit the translation isn't at an all time perfect,
Its good enough for me.
It paints the picture of something important.
Its a gentle song,
Which is nice to sing,
And may cause one to spill their emotions by accident,
(if they know the lyrics, I may add).
Of course,
Not anyones' life can be as dramatic as the song,
But you know,
Its all a matter of perception (and being denial).
This is day 2, to the rest of my life.
---
And of course, the title and song wasn't a coincidence.
Having fun,
Skipping through towns,
Just eating food (and complaining how fattening it is),
Road houses and road trips,
Visits,
Motels.
I know, I'm missing a step.
I had a dream that we went on a nice holiday,
But it wasn't a holiday at any place,
Its a holiday at my hometown.
As unlikely as it seemed,
That holiday was around when I was 25?
At least I think it was a holiday.
What else can it be?
Hold on to your dreams,
Cause they won't be yours for long.
---
If one day, I had to leave,
Had to be somewhere we won't be able to meet.
Will you even realise that I had already waved goodbye?
---
When we say good bye to the two of us from that time
